Twice The Avice

Dear Twins,I have been single for 5 years now. I am 40 and I date here and there, only sometimes. I am very attractive, in great shape, and back in school. I don't know why I'm not gobbled up, to be honest with ya. I'm just not into the guys that I've dated. I "break it off" when we are a date or two in. Should I just keep dating these guys even though I'm not interested?

Signed, Sexy and Still Single

Dear Single,

I hate to be an old fart and say this, but if it's really important for you to meet someone now, you have to make it a mission. It's kind of like trying to sort of lose weight. You either go for it or you don't. If you "sort of" go for it, you can expect to add another five years to your single record. So try this out for size: for six months say "yes" to every social engagement. Join two internet dating sites and give the guys you don't think you like a second chance. In six months, I bet you'll have found yourself a boyfriend that you truly dig. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding.


Dear Sexy
I disagree with Jacqueline. By making it "a mission" you will take all the fun out of the journey and it'll become yet another stressful chore. I also absolutely don't think you should date men you are clearly not interested in. That will be even more unbearable and counterproductive. By now, you should be able to trust yourself as to whether you are attracted to someone or not. That said, it doesn't mean that I don't think you should give them a chance. The real problem is that you date men "here and there" and "only sometimes." Finding a mate is a numbers game. Simply put, the more you do it, the better chance you have of finding someone. Go out there and date more!


Dear Twins,

My boyfriend has a rough mouth that he doesn't mask in front of his kids. He's great in many ways, but that mouth. I know his kids can see that their father loves them despite it. I've mentioned it to him, and it's always ended in a blow out fight that they are "his kids." I feel bad for them, what can I do?

Signed, Mouth to Mouth

Jacqueline says: Dear Mouth,

This is a tough one because it involves kids. But the bottom line is you can't sit and watch a father verbally abuse his kids. It is your duty to intervene. You must sit down and talk to the kids about this. Then you should sit down with their father and talk about what his kids felt. Prior to that I would carry a mini-recorder with you and record him when he gets mouthy. Hopefully, with all this evidence, he will see the light.

Kerry says: Dear MM
I absolutely agree with Jackie, and I'll even take it one step further. Not only should you tape record him while he's spewing out profanities around his children, but be sure to record him during your conversation with your kids. This way he can hear it straight from them that his trash mouth is vulgar and upsetting.


Dear Twins,
I'm finding I'm getting angry all the time, at everything. This has been occurring of late, maybe in the last 6 months. People on the street are in my way, people at stores or on the phone are too slow. The holiday season is exacerbating my anger. The problem is: I hate myself for it. What can I do?
Singed, Angry Elf

Dear Elf,
Generally we get angry and we explode over nothing when we're feeling down and out. I suspect you are, simply put, miserable. Certainly antidepressants can help, but in order to get to the root of the problem, you need to find out what you can do to make yourself happy. I suggest you write down the top five things that are making you unhappy. Fact is, if you continue down this path, your life won't be any different in one, five, or ten years. Now for each of these problems, write down something you can do now to change it for the better. It takes courage, but unless you take the steps to make these changes today, your life isn't going to get any better tomorrow. Only you have control over your life and ultimately your own happiness.

Jacqueline says: Dear Angry Elf,
I agree. Additionally, stress is certainly a precursor to anger, as are other stressors in our lives. My question to you: what has changed in your life in the past 6 months? Are you under a recent financial crunch? Perhaps you're experiencing strain in a relationship? You need to evaluate what is going on that is pressuring you. Furthermore, anything you can do to de-stress yourself is mandatory. I'm sure you're probably sick of hearing about breathing exercises or meditation, but that is the route to go. Exercise is also an excellent de-stressor. And if you can believe it, cutting out the caffeine can do wonders.